In Case of Emergency
by CountryGirl914
Summary: You see, Emergency Programme ONE leads one to believe that there is a two, and a three, and a four...
1. Emergency Programme Two

**A/N:** This is the brainchild of one of my awesome friends, a non-fanfic writing DW fan, who is graciously letting me use (steal) her idea. Thanks hon! Also: possibly crack, and most likely will become a series of one-shots. Enjoy!

* * *

"Doctor?"

Rose's concern amped up a few notches as she walked into the empty control room, absently towel-drying her hair. When she'd nipped away for a quick shower, the Doctor had been futzing away under the console, happily up to his elbows in grime and wires. She had thought that he would be tinkering for hours, but now he was nowhere to be seen, and the TARDIS was eerily silent.

No matter. She'd find him soon enough. He was probably in the kitchen, sticking something or other in his mouth, like always. She smirked and turned for the corridor, when suddenly—

"This is Emergency Programme Two."

Rose froze as horror turned her blood to ice. _No_. Nononono…

She slowly, fearfully turned around, barely keeping from crying out when she saw a hologram of the current Doctor, pinstripes and all, standing by the console and looking straight at her.

"Rose, now listen: this is important."

How? They were in the Vortex—they should be safe! What in the world could have happened? Oh, God, she wasn't sure if she could go through this again, so soon.

"If this message is activated, then it can only mean one thing."

All she could do was stare at the hologram, heart in her throat. This couldn't be happening. This could _not_ be happening…

And then the hologram of the Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, sheepishly looking off to the side.

"I'm stuck in the botany library."

A cry of shock and relief and disbelieving laughter escaped her before she could clap her hands over her mouth, forcing herself to listen, wide-eyed, to the rest of the message.

"You probably didn't know, but the lock on that door's been broken for years—shut it too hard, and you'll be locked in. I've been meaning to fix it for ages, but it keeps slipping my mind, what with all the running and hopping for our lives that we do."

He looked up at the ceiling in contemplation. "I guess it's a good thing it happened to me instead of you, then, because you wouldn't have known what was wrong, and wouldn't have known how to reach me, and I don't use this library much anyway…oh, that wouldn't have been good. But I'm sure the TARDIS would have let me know eventually…"

He snapped out of his reverie and focused in her direction again. "_Anyway_, that doesn't matter, because it obviously didn't happen to you, if I've activated this message. And normally, getting stuck somewhere on the TARDIS wouldn't be a problem, since I've got the sonic screwdriver. Less than a problem! One over infinity of a problem! The complete opposite of a problem!"

The manic expression of happiness fell off his face. "But the door to the botany library has a deadlock seal, which means I am well and truly stuck."

Rose was practically doubled over at this point, trying to keep from collapsing in hysterical laughter.

"So, in conclusion, I need you to get the key and come and get me out. The key's under the console, to the right of the bicycle pump. The library's on the sixth floor, twelfth door on your right. It's pretty easy to get here—you take the third left after the second right, up the first set of stairs…"

Rose snickered as she made her way to the console to find the key, only half listening to the Doctor's directions. She'd actually found the botany library a few weeks earlier and had been back frequently to look at the beautiful hand-drawn pictures of various plants and flowers. She wanted to be mad at the Doctor for scaring her like that, but she was too relieved that he was okay. She couldn't even find it in her to mock him once she freed him.

The Doctor paused. "I should probably repeat those directions again, shouldn't I? I always forget how little of their brains humans use for memory. In fact, Rose, you should probably write this down. It's on the sixth floor…"

Rose's mouth set in a firm line as he repeated his directions.

Scratch that. Mocking would _definitely_ be in order.

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	2. Emergency Programme Three

**A/N:** Enjoy!

* * *

"This is Emergency Programme Three."

Rose looked up from the book she'd nicked from the botany library—the illustrations really were beautiful—with trepidation. While she wasn't as scared as last time, she still couldn't feel completely safe when that hologram appeared.

But with his next words, she relaxed. "Rose, remember that shampoo I bought on Raxilon IV? I know you were worried about me trying it, as Raxilons don't even have hair, really, but the bottle says that it's safe for ninety-nine-point-nine percent of life forms. That's like a guarantee on some planets! Engineers would consider it a certainty!"

Like last time, his smile slid off his face. "But if I've activated this message, it means that—even with my superior biology—I'm one of those lucky point-one percent. I'm fine!" he protested, anticipating Rose's concern. "Adverse reactions to Raxilon shampoo aren't life threatening. I…I just…"

He tugged on an ear, looking thoroughly embarrassed. "I'm just going to need you to do something for me. You know hair dye. You're _brilliant_ with hair dye. Think you could step out and get a box for me?"

Rose leaned back in the jump seat, trying to smother her giggles.

"You can just knock and leave it by my bathroom door—there's no need for me to come out or anything like that." The Doctor gave her a wide smile. "That's a girl. See you soon!"

And with that, the hologram blinked out of existence.

A smirk firmly planted on her face, Rose slowly made her way to the Doctor's bathroom door. Taking a deep breath to settle herself, she raised her hand and knocked.

"Rose?" the Doctor's voice came from behind the door. "You're back already? Wow, that was quick. Thanks a million! You can just put the box by the door and go on doing whatever you were doing—I'll get it soon enough."

It was getting harder and harder to keep from laughing. "Yeah. One problem with that, Doctor."

"Yes?"

Even though he couldn't see it, her tongue poked out between her teeth. "We're not landed anywhere."

There was a pause. "We're not?"

"Nope." Rose popped the "p" as he was apt to do. "Still in the Vortex."

"Ah, yes. The Vortex. A wonderful, brilliant place to be…except when it's not where you want to be." Another pause. "I'm guessing that means you have no hair dye?"

"Correct. Hard to go out and get some when you can't, you know…go out."

"True. Very, very_very_ true. Quite right, Rose. But it's really not hard to pilot the TARDIS somewhere with a Tesco or a Wal-Mart or some other such megastore. Easy-peasy. If I relate the instructions to you, in fact, you could probably get us there yourself."

"Liar!" Rose laughed. "I'm not getting us killed because you're hiding like a scared little boy. Now buck up and open the door."

There was some muffled swearing, and then a moment later the door opened and the Doctor stepped out. Rose immediately looked up at his hair…

His shiny, clean, _bright blue_ hair…

And burst out laughing.

"Not. Funny." The Doctor gritted out.

"It matches your pinstripes!" she managed to get out, before dissolving into giggles again.

He stiffly crossed his arms. "Oh, fine. Sure. Have a good old laugh at my expense. Not like I have, you know, _dignity_ or anything to preserve. Go ahead, I'll wait."

"Blue!" she gasped, holding her aching stomach and leaning against the opposite wall, trying to stay standing.

"Are you quite done yet?"

She pushed herself back up the wall, breathing slowly going back to normal. "With the laughing, yes. But I still have other plans." And with that, she whipped out her mobile and took a picture of him.

His eyes widened in horror. "You didn't."

Tongue poking out, she snapped another pic. The Doctor grabbed for the phone, but Rose kept it well out of his grasp, darting down the corridor. "Rose Marion Tyler!" he shouted, running after her. "Give me that phone right now!"

"Never!" she cried, running to the control room and around the console, taking pictures all the while. But the Doctor's legs were longer, and he soon caught up with her and wrested the device away from her.

"You delete those pictures," Rose panted, "and I won't get any hair dye for you. You'll have to go out there yourself and let everyone see your blue hair."

"No I won't," the Doctor retorted. "I have plenty of hats in this ship. Choose the right one, and no one will notice my hair."

Rose's smile was sickly sweet. "Are you sure? Because I have a feeling the TARDIS would be on my side for this one, and I'm sure if I asked her, nicely, she'd hide all your hats for me."

The lights on the console flashed, as if in agreement.

The Doctor looked around in shock. "I can't believe it! Even my own ship is betraying me!"

Rose just quirked an eyebrow.

He gave a deep, bone-weary sigh, tossed Rose's mobile back to her, which she deftly caught, and then stomped over to the console and began the materialization process. "I hate you both," he pouted.

His companion laughed as she braced herself for the landing. "Oh, that's not true." She made her way over to the door, then looked back at him over her shoulder. "I'm guessing you want brown, right?" Her grin turned malicious. "Sure I can't interest you in a change? You could finally be ginger, like you wanted. Oh, or blonde! We blondes do have more fun, you know…"

"OUT!"

Rose's gleeful laughter echoed in his ears as she exited the TARDIS.

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End file.
